The NFL season is almost here, rejoice!
If me coming back doesn’t make you rejoice, at least the upcoming fun will.
Every team is going into this season with something they want to work for, some kind of goals that they want to achieve this year. While some probably have a page long goal list, I will try to condense every teams goals in to one sentence, as well as their fears.
PS: This is strangely familiar to something I did before… isn’t it… https://jakepaynesports.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/mlb-team-one-sentence-goals-and-wishes/
Goal: Disregard Cheerleaders, Acquire National Television Contracts
Fear: Hopefully the refs break soon… these refs are… less than adequate…
Goal: Lets try to keep people from laughing when we say we were in the Super Bowl three years ago by doing well!
Fear: We are ever playing Jerome Simpson again… please say no…
Goal: Lets win a postseason game!
Fear: What if we don’t get to the postseason…
Goal: Lets get to the Super Bowl on the back of our running back and defense!
Fear: Lets hope we don’t have to hop on our skateboarding quarterback’s back to get there…
Goal: Lets actually keep a winning streak going to the end of the season!
Fear: Nobody get injured please… especially you Fred Jackson…
Goal: Lets shock the world and win our division!
Fear: We just looked up the sophomore slump… Cam Newton we are looking at you bud…
Goal: Lets get to the Super Bowl! We have all the parts!
Fear: Our offensive line can block like a sheet of paper can block rocks…
Goal: Lets build on last years success with Andy Dalton and AJ Green!
Fear: What if our starters don’t make it out of the preseason alive…
Goal: Lets make it to the end of the season without crying!
Fear: What if we have to find another QB…
Goal: Lets build on Romo’s apparent confidence and actually use our talent!
Fear: What division are we in again? Oh….
Goal: Lets get behind our new and legendary quarterback Peyton Manning!
Fear: We actually cry uncontrollably when we look at our schedule…
Goal: Lets continue our success from last year! Stafford, Johnson and our defense worked wonders!
Fear: We can only keep paying the witch doctors that are keeping Stafford from getting injured for so long… especially now that we have the Madden curse.
Green Bay Packers
Goal: Lets avenge our playoff death and ravage the lands with Aaron Rodgers at the helm of the machine.
Fear: Our defensive players keep eating crayons… they don’t want to play until they get their juice boxes…
Goal: Lets take advantage of our less than awesome division and get back to the playoffs!
Fear: Don’t stare at Andre Johnson too long, he’ll tear something…
Goal: Let’s build Andrew luck up into a star!
Fear: It’s really cold in here without Peyton Manning…
Goal: We have some good wide receivers and stuff…
Fear: We did the research and our new owner is actually serious… he doesn’t want to sign MJD…
Kansas City Chiefs
Goal: We have a much improved offense and a pretty good defense!
Fear: If Oakland or Denver does well… we are screwed…
Goal: We will probably do ok with either Tannehill or Moore!
Fear: What if the Bills and Patriots do that scary thing where they throw the ball in the air and run really fast…
Goal: Lets try to atleast get fourth in the NFC North!
Fear: What do you mean there’s only four spots in our division…
New England Patriots
Goal: Super Bowl or bust!
Fear: What if those scary guys with the NY on their blue helmets play us again…
New Orleans Saints
Goal: Win the division and achieve glory!
Fear: Payton isn’t calling the plays, so the owners son is making our playbook on NFL Blitz 98…
New York Giants
Goal: Repeat and draw the attention off of those damned Jets!
Fear: Our players love getting injured…
New York Jets
Goal: Revel in the attention from having Tebow!
Fear: We are more than just Tebow… right?
Goal: Win the division, we can take advantage of Denver and KC’s hard times!
Fear: What if Carson Palmer gets senile again like last year… and what if we have to go to court because our fans keep getting in law trouble…
Goal: Get to the playoffs! We have the team that could go all the way!
Fear: The team doctor told the team that Vick is made out of tissue paper and glass…
Goal: Make it alive out of our division!
Fear: Our division is tough… except for the Browns lol
Saint Louis Rams
Goal: Take advantage of having a legit coach in Mike Fisher!
Fear: We still suck though…
San Diego Chargers
Goal: We gave Philip Rivers smelling salts! Our offense can finally wake up now!
Fear: Most of our team is made out of hardened clay…
San Francisco 49ers
Goal: Get to the Super Bowl! We could totally do it!
Fear: What if Alex Smith starts throwing to his imaginary friends again…
Goal: Look fabulous in our new jerseys! What swag we has!
Fear: What if we don’t play as good as we look…
Tampa Bay Bucs
Goal: Surprise everyone!
Fear: The NFC South is really mean… they never let us win…
Goal: Build the franchise behind Jake Locker!
Fear: Mike Fisher is gone…. now what…
Goal: Do big things with RGIII!
Fear: People think he’s like Cam Newton? This isn’t going to end well…
“Jake Payne is swagnificent”
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